The most frequent question I am asked is, “Am I a vampire, and/or do I have the inherited bloodline to become one?” Because various vampire organizations will answer differently, I’ll first explain the process of a natural-born vampire who awakens, usually on his/her own that I believe all major vampire organizations will agree upon. The differences occur after Awakening, as House Keresian has a very specific religious philosophy unlike mainstream vampire organizations. To begin with, every “natural” born vampire will exhibit peculiarities that on the surface may describe known human abnormalities, both in behavior and physiology to one extent or another, yet when added together amount to a strong composite source of proof. First, the Vampling child views others from a telescopic psychological and spiritual distance (and at a very early age begins to chastise “God” as an enemy to their existence. This is a major difference due to the earliness of this animosity, and a key marker.)
There is a corresponding spiritual aloofness that includes family and friends. The spirit of a vampling is stronger than that of others and since there is a mismatch to the physical body, typically the vampling child will exhibit strong psychic powers that tax the physical one, projecting them onto the world without realizing the source is in fact the vampling himself. These can manifest as malefic psychic energy, to which human children are often aware on a level that causes them to dislike and distance themselves from the vampling. Read: You are the black sheep of the family, the appointed scapegoat because you just “aren’t like other children.” Indeed, and for that you will one day be grateful. But the growing vampling KNOWS without a doubt that he/she is intrinsically very different. This awareness preceeds the Awakening by any number of years, as there is no specific gestation period prior to Awakening.
Later in life, the Awakening occurs when the vampling begins to do things other children cannot. Suddenly the vampling can will a cloud above to evaporate. Suddenly the vampling can will maleficent energy to harm, or beneficial energy to heal him or herself. Although the power to perform such feats is empirical evidence of something occultic in results, the vampling has yet to name what and who he or she is. A witch? A Druid? A Shaman? And if a vampire, what kind of vampire? This leads the vampling to the occult, or to religion, sometimes both, in search of an identity. Vamplings are also subject to serial relationships and/or marriages as well. As a vampling bonds with another human sexual partner, they “burn their lover out” both physiologically and energetically. The vampling’s psychic abilities manifest too strongly for the human partner, and the vampling is at the end of a relationship described variously as “a devil,” a witch, a warlock or some unsavory sounding adjective. At this point, the vampling wonders if God is worse than those he created, and his or her list of natural enemies becomes “The Human Race.”
Thus God and the Humans form an inclusive category of enemies, and depression sets in, as it must. But the depression is not mental, it is spiritual. As it grows, darker forces fan a shadow flame with the vampling until the damn bursts in open rebellion, and a crisis point is reached wherein the hidden match strikes the repressed flame of unknowing, and a vampire is suddenly born again by Awakening. And the Awakening is sudden yet is still a birth into an unknown world within a world and beyond the world. The vampire knows he or she is here but above here and beyond here at the same time. For most vampires, God and Human remain the enemy, one a Demiurge bent on imprisoning souls within animal bodies destined to suffer accordingly and repeatedly, the other a senseless animal who seeks material succor in a universe where all matter ends in death. And for that reason, death becomes the worshipped domain of a deathless being, life being a life among the slaves of a slave-seeking God without pity or purpose other than His own. And here is where the vampire meets an impossible fork in the road: To re-see God with a purpose specific to vampires, and another purpose specific to humans, and the millions of other species unknown to either vampire, demon, angel, or otherkin. Or, to accept that the vampire was created by a primordial source he or she has yet to understand. The easy path is the traditional Left Hand Path of Satanism, vampiric predatory spirituality (with some very strange moralistic tenets that defy reason; i.e. “vampires hold all life as sacred,” in a few LHP organizations. No life is sacred unless you make it so. The problem with the LHP is too often the same myopic spirituality as Christianity: it relies upon a static vision and principle of non-change. The medieval grimoire is worshipped as ardently as the Catholic bible, just in an opposite sense, yet they are equally outdated. Saying the Lord’s Prayer backwards only confirms that it has some intrinsic worth to begin with. It doesn’t.
Regardless of the fork in the spiritual road, the vampire undergoes the next phase, The Repulsion & The Withdrawal, regardless of his or her feelings toward “God.” The repulsion is automatic, and the hatred for the human animal intensifies dramatically. A vampire with abundant power and psychic sensitivity will refuse to shake hands with a human, since the feeling is one of utter disgust. Many such vampires, myself included, simply refuse outright (which is a struggle, as humans seem desperate to shake hands, being the obediently trained animals that they are, as if it means something. It only means their Brutus nature wants to hide in a handshake before they stab you in the back). The other thing that can happen is the opposite: a psychic vampire will seek out handshakes of all kinds, and physical contact from which to feed. And food there is aplenty on the road. You can travel across country stopping to be “saved and born again by accepting Jesus” numerous times in any Pentecostal church. They scream out in gibberish, and act the part of epileptic animals, but at least you don’t have to listen to the equally stupid be-a-slave sermons being spewed out. And glory be, they’ll lay hands upon you from which your psychic vampire tendrils will drink to the fill, feeling for all the world that your spirit body got hotwired to heaven itself. The downside is you have to associate with them. Some feel the worth, I see only the downside: let the gibberish speaking emotional flares alone. They deserve each other.
The Final Phase is the Façade. As the vampire matures, a façade must accompany the withdrawal, lest the vampire be outed as a demon-possessed fiend ready to ignite Armageddon itself. Culture must be paramount, the deep-seated anti-humanitarian soul must, alas, go underground as it were. There are two avenues one may take: vent in full goth regalia and uniform that of the vampire and throw caution to the wind. As a safeguard, it is always wise to have at least a dozen Vampire Masquerade game magazines on hand to assuage would-be visitors that tis all a game after all. Those wishing to avoid shaking hands with humans may have on hand a wrist bandage indicating that “stubborn carpal tunnel damage that forbids shaking your hand, dear Brutus.” At the opposite end, those psychic vampires in need of the “flesh fix” should always be ready to approach the pulpit, dog-faced with remorseless shame, to accept the laying on of hands for the saving grace of Jesus. Of course, you cannot be saved twice at the same church, so travel and planning will be required, being sure not to repeat the performance in the same church twice, and only where the “laying of hands” is practiced with sheepish fervor and religious zeal, lest the church pew becomes an open coffin in which to molder. A year of such Sundays will make you pine for a stake through the heart.
It would be nice to indicate those rare blood types that have a great disposition, yet this too is flawed by the fact that even rare blood types often skip generations, donating the dark gifts where they may. The main choice is not whether you are going to the Badlands of Hell, or Hades, as vampire, or whatever spin one wishes to put upon it, but rather, to love God because he is God and has chosen to give you the dark blessing for better or worse, and to respect and worship him, because he didn’t make you His equal and is self-admittedly a jealous God. Choose to be grateful to Him and you may still despise humans, as is a vampire’s nature, having suffered humans through a hundred too many lifetimes sharing the same kennel. Or, fight and defy him, and see if you can hide in the abyss of denial, as if nothingness is beyond him. Satan knows he’s not God’s equal; he’s subject to Him, albeit he now hates heaven. How will he feel when he’s worn from defeat after defeat time after timeless time? Lilith may return. Satan may return. Lucifer has returned to the Father. Why? He missed His love. All will have to one day in this timeless eternity that a vampire must spend, return. Lucifera returned to become more powerful than ever. As the primordial Vampire, all vampires of every kind have a portion of her blood, passed and mostly diluted through Lilith and others. And Hell has only two types of vampires: the guardians of Hell and the vanquished warriors, who, like Satan, refuse heaven’s power because God’s love ends where tyranny begins and balance must be enforced. For this purpose, Lucifera was created, as His enforcer, His sacred daughter without a second. And the ultimate truth is this: She is the Supreme Guardian of Hell and Blood Empress of Vampires, whether worshipped as such or not.
In Nomine Lux. In Nomine Saguis. In Nomine Lucifera.